Scott Hartnell took the time out of his hectic schedule to sit down with Flyers Faithful and opened up about his personal and professional life for our Forged Dialogues series. We thank him for his time and look forward to talking to other players in the near future.
FF: Hello, Scott. Thank you for joining us at Flyers Faithful headquarters, atop One Liberty Place (where we currently live as squatters), to answer a few questions.
SH: No problem, Marsello. I’m always willing to make time for a blogger.
FF: Thanks. It’s Mar-chel-lo.
SH: Mark Shello.
FF: Listen, it’s pronounced….
FF: Are you OK?
SH: Yeah. Sorry about that. Let’s talk hockey.
FF: You got it. Talk to me about playing on a line with Daniel Briere and Ville Leino.
SH: It’s been great. I think we fit well together. We had a lot of success in the playoffs last season and that momentum carried over into this year. Ville is so good with the puck. He just slows down the game around him and does some amazing things with the puck. Danny’s shot is unbelievable from up close. When he’s in his kitchen, he can hit any part of the net. It’s spectacular.
FF: How would you say you contribute to that line?
SH: Well, I think I provide a physical dimension and a presence in front of the net. I can protect Briere and Leino if the need exists and I also…
Hartnell falls again.
FF: That looked painful. Are you alright?
SH: Yeah, the surface is just choppy in here.
FF: On the carpet?
SH: Next question.
FF: Should we add these falls to the official Hartnell Down count?
SH: Ha ha. Very funny.
FF: Moving on, I hope you don’t mind clearing up a personal rumor. Last season, there was some speculation that Jeff Carter slept with your wife. I know this is a sensitive topic and we don’t have to discuss this if you feel uncomfortable.
SH: Oh, it’s fine. It’s not a big deal. We have sex with each others wives and girlfriends all the time. It’s part of hockey culture. Actually, I do feel a little duped. Jeff and I decided we were going to do a wife swap but I completely forgot he wasn’t married. So, I got a wife to be named later as part of the trade.
FF: Really? I have to admit that I’m kind of shocked to hear that.
SH: Nah, I’m just kidding. He didn’t sleep with my wife. It’s just so funny how people are so quick to believe ridiculous rumors but are so reluctant to believe the truth. Plus, we were all bangin’ Riley’s wife.
FF: Come on! Now I know you’re just pulling my chain.
FF: No. For real?
SH: Suckers, every last one of you.
FF: She is pretty hot, though.
SH: Oh, most definitely. Except none of us are married anymore. Last season was like a mass exodus of the hockey wives. It was really rough for all of us. Let’s get back to the hockey talk, though.
FF: Sure thing. I’ve always wanted to ask you about the time you threw a glove at Ryan Malone. What was going through your head at that time?
SH: Well, I guess I didn’t realize it was illegal. I thought it probably wasn’t right but it was a last ditch effort and you make some curious decisions in those moments. It’s safer than throwing a stick at a player anyway.
FF: Was it embarrassing that the Phantoms held a Scott Hartnell Glove and Mitten-Throwing Night?
SH: Nah. It was a little weird, seeing as how I never played for the Phantoms but it’s all in the name of good fun. All I did was throw a glove. It wasn’t a big deal. It’s not like I didn’t know there were ties in football or something.
FF: Well, thank you again for your time. Is there anything else you’d like to discuss before we conclude our interview?
SH: To be completely honest, I wasn’t trying to throw my glove at Malone. I was just trying to get the glove off to hit him with a rock I keep in my glove.
FF: You’re kidding, right?
SH: No. It helps me win fights.
Forged Dialogues is a series of fake interviews. The conversation above never actually took place. I assume that’s clear enough. You get that it’s fake and intended for comedic purposes only, right? I really hope you didn’t have to get this far before realizing that.