Counterpunches, Part II

The second — and regrettably, last – in what was planned to be an occasional series, in which Flyers Faithful scans the papers of the opposition to see how they’re portraying events.

We make no assurance of journalistic integrity here.

From the venerable Bob Ryan, columnist for the Boston Globe, Saturday morning:

“Round 2 is over. With last night’s convincing 5-1 triumph before 17,565 enraptured followers at TD Garden, the Bruins swept the Philadelphia Flyers out of the NHL playoffs.

Revenge is theirs.

Retribution is theirs.

Peace of mind is theirs.”

Hold on a minute there, Buster…er…Bob.

While no one can dispute the factuality of your first two sentences, the last three one-liners really hold no water beyond a flowery literary device.

First — “Revenge is theirs.”

Not really.

Did you forget that just 357 days ago, your Bruins exited the postseason as one of just three NHL teams, and four in all of professional sports, to have coughed up a 3-0 series lead with their second straight season-ending Game 7 home defeat.

Did you forget that in Game 7, the B’s choked away a 3-0 first-period advantage at home? How is simply beating the Flyers, though not allowing them a single victory in the series, truly revenge-worthy?

Correct me if I’m wrong, but shouldn’t a definition of revenge include literally turning the tables on your foe, to make them feel the shame, embarrassment and hurt of defeat in a similar manner? As long as the Bruins didn’t pin a similar historical moment on the Flyers, revenge is an inappropriate word for what went down over the last 6 days.

In other words, we’ll still have history as long as books are printed and memory does not fail. You just have a dominant playoff round win.

Second – ”Retribution is theirs.”

Not hardly.

If memory serves, a collision along the boards in last season’s Game 1 sent Marco Sturm to the surgeon’s table, and a hard but legal check from Flyers captain Mike Richards broke David Krejci’s wrist. Both players were key to Boston’s success, and their absences were a significant factor in the epic four straight losses.

In this year’s Eastern semifinals, the Bruins did not send Chris Pronger out of the series…unless they did, and no one’s talking. The way the Flyers front office treated CP20′s owie with such secrecy, you might need Kolchak the Night Stalker to uncover the hidden truth.

Anywhoo…if retribution is truly theirs, someone on the Bruins should have the satisfaction of having taken out Pronger, or Jeff Carter, or Brian Boucher. But it didn’t happen, so that adjective should be discarded.

As a matter of fact, sources have told the Globe’s Kevin Paul Dupont that Patrice Bergeron suffered a concussion last night. If that’s the case, the losers should get a couple points for forcing out a key forward, so while Friday’s final score read Bruins 5, Flyers 1, I say the real score here might be Philly 2, Retribution 0.

Last — “Peace of mind is theirs.”

Oh fah Gawd sakes, Roahbeht, you make it sound as if the Bruins sweeping the Flyers out of a little thing like the playoffs is akin to the end of the Cold War fears of nuclear annihilation.

If anything, the Bruins should be afraid…very afraid…of the upstart Tampa Bay Lightning in the next round.

I feel confident in saying that Guy Boucher’s scar has more coaching acumen than in all of Claude Julien’s largesse, and that his brilliant “don’t call it a trap” 1-3-1 defense is the perfect antidote to the rampaging four horsemen known as Krejci, Lucic, Horton and Campbell.

Sure, the evil orange-flecked dragon has been slain, but what is it worth if you just fall flat on your face after tripping over a rake?

In other words, thanks to Tina Fey: “Philly rules! Cheese steaks, Bobby Clarke, Will Smith! Your town sucks!”