Although the Philadelphia area was caught off guard this week when the tremors of an earthquake were felt throughout the region, the Philadelphia Flyers are fully prepared to counteract the effects of Hurricane Irene.
Chris Pronger: After battling with the storm for a while in the corner, Pronger ultimately beats Hurricame Irene into submission with his elbow.
Ilya Bryzgalov: According to sources in Phoenix, Bryzgalov will only fight off the storm when he feels like it and his ability to do so is overrated.
Claude Giroux: As the storm approaches, Giroux puts on a dazzling display of moves to elude Irene and manages to come out of the ordeal untouched and on a breakaway.
Ian Laperriere: Putting his family above his own personal safety, Lappy stands on his front porch and blocks the hurricane with his eye.
Matt Carle: Alongside a healthy Chris Pronger, Carle does a great job at defending against the storm, although some in Philly believe that he’d let the storm blow right by him in a one-on-one situation.
James van Riemsdyk: Using Newton’s First Law of Motion to his advantage, JvR gets up a full head of steam and meets the hurricane head on at 110MPH, stopping it dead in its tracks.
Blair Betts: Back on the defensive, the Flyers send out Blair Betts to face off against Irene but are dismayed to learn he separated his shoulder in the process.
Zac Rinaldo: As Rinaldo watches the news from the security of his Glens Falls home, he exclaims that it’s not fair how he’s been pigeonholed as a hockey player and that he’d be a perfectly good meteorologist, if only he was given the chance.
Local news and media reports state that others around the league also intend to pitch in to help out on the East Coast.
Mike Richards: Sources say that Richards will attempt to break up the hurricane with his moodiness.
Jeff Carter: Carter, who recently purchased a shore house prior to being traded, hopes that he will be able to sway Irene into sleeping with him.
NHL: Gary Bettman said that he plans to provide some of the league’s best resources to the areas in the path of the storm. The Guardian Project superheroes are expected to battle the hurricane as hockey fans everywhere hide their head in shame.