Forged Dialogues: Ilya Bryzgalov

Image totally ripped off from Philly.com Thanks, yo.

Flyers Faithful would like to take a moment to thank Ilya Bryzgalov for taking some time out of his busy routine to sit down with us and answer some questions about his career.

FF: First of all, Ilya, welcome to Philadelphia. How are you finding your transition to this city?
IB: Has been great! People recognize me and, uh, city take an actual interest in team and sport of hockey.

FF: What was your experience like in Phoenix?
IB: Things were little different there. You know, much of our equipment was lifted from practice facilities when we were on road. Management always breathed sigh of relief when they showed up at Jobing.com arena and doors weren’t padlocked shut with eviction notice taped above it.

FF: It had to be terrible to feel so uncertain about the future there.
IB: That’s what happens when you try to play hockey in desert but, you know, is OK.

FF: So, the Flyers traded for your rights even though you were set to become a free agent. What made you stay here?
IB: You are making joke, right?

FF: No, why?
IB: Have you seen my contract? Nobody pay that much money to goalies anymore. As they say at end of American program, Chappelle’s Show, “I’m rich, biatch!” I like Philadelphia and all of its parks but that sealed deal.

FF: Well, I guess I can understand that. Who wouldn’t want to be the second highest paid player in the NHL this season?
IB: Brad Richards.

FF: Touché. So, what do you love about the Flyers?
IB: Fairmount Park. It’s amazing!

Whoopsie

FF: Say what?
IB: Uh, I mean fair amount of fans parked outside stadium before gates even open. It’s amazing!

FF: Oh, OK.
IB: Also, I am being told you are near mushroom capital of world and I love tripping more than Scott Hartnell.

FF: How has your relationship been with Sergei Bobrovsky? Is there any tension there?
IB: Uh, no. Is OK. He know his place. I know mine. I start games, he clean my jock. Then, team showcase him at trade deadline and send him to Phoenix.

FF: So, does that mean Michael Leighton would be the new backup?
IB: Uh, maybe they wait until offseason to trade him.

Forged Dialogues is a series of fake interviews. The conversation above never actually took place. I assume that’s clear enough. You get that it’s fake and intended for comedic purposes only, right? I really hope you didn’t have to get this far before realizing that.