Flyers Mailbag #2

Welcome to the second installment of the Flyers Mailbag, where we take readers’ (not-so-serious) questions and answer them in the least sensible way possible. Many thanks to Steve Jacot (@Estebomb) for contributing to this edition. If you’d like to submit a question, feel free to tweet at me or comment here.

From Nick Dobrowolski (@NickDobo): Is it wrong to sing the Brohymn, real loud and out of key, to try to drown out the lame Doop song after goals?

Not at all. A lot of Flyers fans miss the old goal song. I, personally, curse Danny Briere every time I hear it. (Sorry, Danny, but if you like “DOOP” all that much, go play for the Union. They would probably be thrilled with your 16 goals from this past season.)

From Marcello De Feo (@ff_marcello): If an opposing team wears a jersey that resembles a Flyers one, my kids cheer their goals. What’s an appropriate form of discipline?

Well, I’m not quite sure if discipline is necessary in this situation. It’s good that they recognize the Flyers colors/jersey design, and respond in that fashion. But it’s only good when they’re little. At a certain point, they need to be taught that there’s a difference between Flyers jerseys and those that look similar. And if they can’t get it straight, then I think sitting in timeout for the duration of a hockey game (even including overtime/a shootout) should do the trick. Maybe you should do away with snacktime for a week or two, while you’re at it. Really show them you mean business.

From Geoff Mang (@geoffmang): Asking for a friend: How does a fan tell other fans that Dmitri Yushkevich was their favorite Flyer to wear #2?

Make sure the other fans are under 35, as any fan over 35 will be filled with a murderous rage upon hearing this (Mark Howe is a bit of a legend with the 80s Flyers). IF they are over 35, make sure they’re happy drunk beforehand. I’m talking singing joyful songs and toasting someone every five minutes. Sleepy drunk also works, as they can’t chase you.

From Elise Lotz (@EliseMichelle): For us out of state fans, how should we handle road rage directed at us due to the Flyers decals on our cars? (w/o removing them!)

(Editor’s Note: Elise lives in Cincinatti, so I’m gearing this answer towards that area. But you can use this tip no matter where you live.) If you run into trouble with someone while you’re driving in Cincinatti, there is a very simple way to handle the situation: talk it out with them. Hop out of your car and invite them to do the same, or maybe suggest heading to the local Starbucks for some coffee and light chat. I’m sure that once you talk it over, they’ll break down and admit that the reason they hate the Flyers so much is because their local team is so terrible. They wish they had the Flyers to root for, but would never do it, out of sheer spite. You will have done a great deed, helping them to get all of that off of their chest. And if the polite, nice thing doesn’t work, just Zac Rinaldo the hell out of them.

From John Saquella (@jsaquella): Bill Root. Great Flyers defenseman, or GREATEST Flyers defenseman?

Bill Root is the greatest Flyers defenseman, clearly. Let’s take a look back at his remarkable tenure with the Flyers: In the ‘87-’88 season, Root had three points in 24 games and a whopping 16 PIM. After being passed around throughout the NHL, Root decided to end his pro career in Philly. Since his retirement, the team just hasn’t been the same. Ol’ Billy Root, we miss ya, buddy.

From Nick Dobrowolski (@NickDobo): If a puck flies out of play and hits a little kid in the face, should I make sure he’s okay, or just take the puck?

If you’re right next to the little kid, I would suggest making sure that he’s okay, just so other people don’t think you’re a giant jerk. But since there will be other people checking on him as well, if you duck out after just a concerned look and grab the puck, I’d say you should be able to get away with it. However, if the puck hits a little kid in the face and it deflects over to your section, go for it. Act like you didn’t even see it hit the kid. Then maybe later, if you pass the kid and his swollen face on your way out, give him a high five. He’ll think it’s a sign that you think he’s brave and awesome, but really, you’ll just be thanking him for sending the puck your way.

From Steve Jacot (@Estebomb): Are the Flyers attempting to make a team consisting entirely of centers? Which current Flyers center would make a good goalie?

It certainly looks that way, doesn’t it? I’ve often wondered what it would be like to see a team comprised of just forwards, or just defensmen (with a goalie, of course). But, I digress. The obvious choice would be Sean Couturier. He’s great with the puck both offensively and defensively, but you have to think about his size. The kid would need to bulk up a considerable amount (or wear extra padding under his sweater) in order to hold up well in net. Another obvious choice? Scott Hartnell. He spends so much time laying on the ice anyway, he might as well be positioned in front of the net to block shots and rebounds. #HartnellDown could take on a whole new meaning!