Lockedupations

You know those polls at sporting events that they put up on the jumbotron where they ask the athletes what they’d do if they weren’t an athlete? We all laugh with glee at the thought of alternate universe Bernie Parent hosting a variety show or Dan Carcillo as a high school janitor. With a lockout looming on the horizon, Kim and Steve have speculated what the current Flyers will end up doing with no hockey to play.

Photoshop courtesy of the awesome Geoff Mang.

Scott Hartnell & Kimmo Timonen: Fighting crime as The Orange Hartnell and Kimmo
When Scott Hartnell decides to take the law into his own hands, his lifelong friend and Kung Fu master Kimmo Timonen comes along for the ride.
(Note from Steve: I would watch this show in a heartbeat)

Max Talbot and Bruno Gervais: Male stripper team
Best good friends Max Talbot and Bruno Gervais will find themselves in a scenario like an R-rated version of what we find Ray and Winston doing at the beginning of Ghostbusters 2. Perhaps they can join GOB Bluth and the Hot Cops.

Andreas Lilja: Crossing guard
He’s always getting passed by on the ice as it is…

Zac Rinaldo: MMA fighter
Zac will need to let loose his rage somehow. Plus, he can learn from Riley Cote!

Ilya Bryzgalov: Marriage counselor
Who better to solve your relationship problems than the Flyers’ resident philosopher/scholar/wizard?
“The universe is too big for you two people to worry about problems so small. Just think, you could be tiger and getting hunted for beautiful skin and delicious meat!”

Peter Laviolette: Office manager
“Get the jam out you &$#&$#*@*#@*@!”
“I’m just trying to fax some documents!”
“Accounts payable typical!”

Danny Briere: Manny
He’s already got a house full of kids, anyway. Tons of experience! Plus, we have the added bonus of calling him Mr. Mom from now on.

Sean Couturier: McDonald’s
Where else is a 19-year-old kid living under someone else’s roof going to work?

Claude Giroux: Chef and host of “The Grilled Cheese Challenge”
“Well, today I put some ham on the sandwich for some variety. You gotta live sometimes, ya know?”

Thanks to the fantastic ZooWithRoy for the photoshop

Jakub Voracek: Panhandling
As the fake Ilya Bryzgalov on Twitter would point out, Jakub Voracek’s late season beard made him look rather…homeless. Thusly Jakub will be living on the streets until this whole situation is resolved. Will score goals for food.

Brayden & Luke Schenn: Plumbers
After playing too much Super Mario, the Schenn Bros. decide to go into plumbing. They discover it’s no fun and you don’t actually get to jump on turtles and eat mushrooms all day.

Wayne Simmonds: Train conductor
Well, duh. He is the WayneTrain after all!