A Song of Ice and Flyer

Game of Thrones returns to your television boxes and illegal pirated internet feeds tonight! To commemorate this, our own Sir Bomb of Este has matched up a bunch of Game of Thrones characters with the Flyers and other NHL stars. Big thanks to all the people on Twitter who helped with the initial ideas for this back in January. Please note that Steve has not read the books and is basing this off of the first two seasons of the TV show.

 

Ned Stark – Chris Pronger

  • He lost his head :( Cheap jokes aside, Pronger was the leader of the Flyers and his absence has caused much confusion and pain.

Robb Stark – Claude Giroux

  • The new and talented leader finding his way in the world. Sometimes makes incredibly poor decisions.

Syrio – Jaromir Jagr

 

  • What do we say to the god of death? Not today! Jagr is going to play until he’s 80 (watch him retire tomorrow).

Arya Stark – Jakub Voracek

  • Learned all he could from Jagr before he had to go. I hope Jake starts calling his stick Needle now.

HODOR – Jody Shelley

Bran Stark – Brayden Schenn

  • Part of me just really wants to call Brayden Schenn the little lord.

Rickon Stark – Luke Schenn

  • He cracks walnuts? Walnuts being opposing players! Yeah, that’s the ticket…

Jaqen – Kimmo Timonen

  • Badass, mysterious character for a badass, mysterious character.

Maester Luwin – Mike Knuble

  • Get it because he’s old lololololol

Catelyn Stark – Simon Gagne

  • Because he’s a strong, independant woman? He’s been around a while, but he still looks good dang it.

Sansa Stark – Matt Read

  • A woman once yelled “He looks like a young Gagne!” upon seeing Read, so he is Sansa? Okay, this is the weakest one here. I’m sorry Matt Read.

Brienne – Nik Grossmann

  • He’s big and he likes to chop things, good enough for me.

Theon Greyjoy – Jeff Carter

  • His true place is by the sea. Many Flyers fans would argue that Jeff Carter, like Theon, isn’t willing to pay the Iron Price.

Jon Snow – Mike Richards

  • Minus the whole celibacy thing… Mike Richards was a true leader who was never as accepted as he should have been.

Tyrion Lannister – Danny Briere

  • A cunning half man who can be deadly if you’re not careful. Mostly I’m talking about high sticks. Plus, he’s apparently faking concussions to remain a Flyer now (according to morons) “I much like my crest, I don’t want to see it removed just yet.”

Bronn – Wayne Simmonds

  • A badass mercenary that sometimes has to step in and protect Danny Briere’s Tyrion. Wayne, like Bronn, never backs down from a fight.

Osha – Zac Rinaldo

  • Zac Rinaldo is totally a wildling. He knows when to provoke and when to hide after some poor decisions early on.

Rodrik Cassel – Craig Berube

  • Master-at-Arms is the most appropriate non-Chief title for Craig Berube possible. I could imagine Berube facing a beheading without batting an eye, couldn’t you?

Ned Stark’s Guards in King’s Landing – The Flyers defense

  • Meszaros is the guy who takes the sword to the eye, and the nameless rabble who get slaughtered by Jamie Lannister is the rest of the defense. Stupid, lousy defense.

Petyr Baelish – Max Talbot

  • Who knows what side Max is really on? Hmmmm, HE COULD STILL BE WORKING FOR TEH PENGUINZ!

Joffrey – Sidney Crosby

  • The spoiled king of the NHL. Honestly, who else could be Joffrey on a Flyers blog?

The Hound – Evgeni Malkin

  • Ugly ugly ugly. But damn is he good at what he does.

Jamie Lannister – Henrik Lunqvist

  • A handsome, yet dangerous opponent. It does seem a bit odd for King Henrik to go by the title of Kingslayer though…

Tywin Lannister – John Tortorella

  • An arrogant master strategist. Nothing is ever good enough for him. Probably has had a horse poop in MSG.

Cersei Lannister – James Neal

That ugly guy with his tongue cut out – Tyler Kennedy

Khol Drogo – Alex Ovechkin

  • A once powerful warlord who now is kinda brain dead.

Daenerys Targaryen – Steven Stamkos

  • Took over Ovi’s goal scoring domination. Totally a dragon.

The Mad King – Gary Bettman

  • The word on the street is that Gary Bettman kept screaming “burn them all!” during CBA negotiations.


Join me next week for the 1974 Flyers as the cast of Downton Abbey!