Ilception

Image via inception-in-detail.blogspot.com

The FLYERS are in the midst of a team meeting. ILYA BRYZGALOV is loudly snoring in the middle of the room, dead asleep. PETER LAVIOLETTE is visibly annoyed.

 

LAVY

This is our problem right here: guys like Bryz who don’t want to pay any frickin’ attention in team meetings!

 

Lavy is screaming in Bryzgalov’s face, to no effect.

 

LAVY

Hello, Earth to Ilya! Wake up!

 

Bryzgalov continues snoring. He’s dead asleep.

 

LAVY

It looks like it’s happened again, boys. You’ve gotta go in and get him. Claude and Scott you’re our crew for this. Take Mason along too, you’ll need a goalie to figure out a goalie.

 

Laviolette pulls out a Flyers-branded INCEPTION MACHINE.

 

HARTSY

Nuh uh, no way am I going in there.

 

LAVY

Hartsy, you’re going in there or else I’m personally driving you to Adirondack tonight!

 

HARTSY

I’ll be good.

 

Laviolette hooks them up to the device. A moment later they open their eyes to find themselves in a snowy jungle. Icicles hang from tropical trees.

 

CLAUDE

Um, uh, where the, uh, hell are we?

 

MASON

We’re in his happy place.

 

HARTSY

How is this his happy place?

 

MASON

Well, he loves nature, but he’s also from Russia and has an affinity for the cold. The only thing I don’t understand is where all the animals are…

 

In that instant, Mason is pounced on by a tiger. He is about to be torn to shreds until he is rescued by Ilya Bryzgalov, who rides in on a giant Siberian Husky.

 

BRYZ

You leave new Lateman alone, tiger! Shoo!

 

The tiger walks away at Bryz’s command. Steve Mason curls into a ball on the ground, shaking in fear.

 

HARTSY

Ilya, what are you doing?

 

BRYZ

What it look like, Hartfell? I am being happy.

 

HARTSY

You can’t just avoid your problems like this.

 

BRYZ

In here I don’t have stupid questions, bad defense, or mad fans. It just good stuff. Tiger, husky. No bears. No reporters. Just Bryz and friends.

 

CLAUDE

Look, um, I know it’s not always easy, obviously, but, um, we have your back, man.

 

Bryzgalov, touched by someone supporting him for once, steps off of his husky and slightly smiles at Giroux, Hartnell, and – still curled in a ball on the ground cowering in fear – Steve Mason.

 

BRYZ

I guess you guys right. Grab new Lateman and we go.

 

In a flash of light, the Flyers find themselves back in their meeting room. Everyone smiles at Bryz, relieved to have him back. He feels welcomed for the first time in his Flyers career. He props his stick up on the butt end to make sure that he’s no longer in the dream state. Before he can make sure, however, he is distracted by calls of free cake.

Bryz rushes to the cake. Who doesn’t love free cake?

He fails to notice that the stick stays up.

 

  • http://www.facebook.com/brett.duchesne Brett Duchesne

    Dude oh my god please keep writing this stuff, its way too funny

    • http://www.facebook.com/matthew.barbehenn Matthew Barbehenn

      Haha, I was about to post the same thing