Kimmo Timonen takes Breaking Bad too seriously

(Warning: There are some spoilerish things about Breaking Bad below)

KIMMO TIMONEN shows up to Flyers practice at the SKATE ZONE. He is sporting a new look with a goatee and pork pie hat. While skating around, he sees ERIK GUSTAFSSON block a shot. Kimmo skates over to Gus and uses his stick to tip him over.

 

KIMMO

I am the one who blocks!

 

PAUL HOLMGREN calls Kimmo in to meet with him regarding the incident. Flyers broadcaster STEVE COATES joins him.

 

HOMER

Kimmo, what is going on with you?

 

COATESY

Uh, hey Paul, I’ll be fielding questions for Kimmo as his representation here.

 

HOMER

You’re the broadcast clown who stands between the benches and yells.

 

COATESY

That’s my day job, I also moonlight as an injury lawyer during my off time. It’s just fantastic. Juries love my upbeat, relentless tone and fanatical hand gestures! Better call Coatesy!

Courtesy of @Wing2J

HOMER

What is going on with Kimmo? He shows up with this crazy new look, spewing this weird fake tough guy dialogue.

 

COATESY

Well, Paul, I spoke to Kimmo the other night, and he’s decided that he’s reached a point in his life where he’s not going to take anymore guff and is taking control.

 

HOMER

Crap, I know what’s going on. Who showed him Breaking Bad?

 

COATESY

Matt Read, I think.

 

HOMER

I was wondering why Read’s been calling everyone a bitch and openly smoking meth.

 

COATESY

Speaking of which, you might want to tell Mr. Snider not to get in his car this morning. Kimmo’s been referring to him as Gus lately.

 

KIMMO

Call me Norrisberg. SAY MY NAME.

 

HOMER

I will do no such thing. Now listen here, Kimmo, you’re missing the point of the show. Walter White isn’t a role model, he’s a cautionary tale. He’s a pathetic, evil man who destroys his family and countless lives in a misguided quest to feed his ego. That’s not who you want to be, is it?

 

KIMMO

Tread lightly.

 

HOMER

Are you a soundboard? Knock it off. Can we move on from this before Kimmo starts making drugs in an RV? I have other problems to deal with, guys. Vinny Lecavalier just became a depressed alcoholic after binge-watching Mad Men.

 

COATESY

Tell you what, gang, let’s go fake our deaths and become lumberjacks!