Flyers, Doctors and Clergymen Baffled by Giroux Scoring Woes

6 games into the 2013-14 NHL season and Flyers captain, Claude Giroux, has only registered one assist. That is because he has forgotten how to score. Literally. “I, uh, get on the ice & uh… I feel like I’m missing something,” said Giroux after practice on Monday. “A what? goal?” Giroux said when asked if he forgot how to score a goal, “Goal? Goal? Goal? Goal? Go-al? Go-al? G-oal? Goa-l? I’m sorry, I just don’t understand that word.”

The Flyers, eager and anxious to see their all- star center scoring again, have put together a team of Doctors, specialist, eastern medicine practitioners, voodoo priests, faith healers & snake charmers to diagnose Giroux’s problem.

Dr. Niarb, a neurologist at the University of Pennsylvania, theorizes Giroux, who has been one of the top scorers the last few seasons, has scored so much that it has lost meaning to him. “Semantic satiation is a psychological phenomenon in which repetition causes a word or phrase to temporarily lose its meaning” explained Dr. Niarb, “I believe Giroux is suffering from some form of semantic satiation due to his prolific scoring over the last few seasons. Goal scoring doesn’t make sense to him right now.”

Of course this is only one theory to help explain Giroux’s scoring woes. The Flyers will not stop exploring the issue until the issue is no longer an issue. The Flyers captain has appointments this week for a CAT scan, hypnotherapy, a chakra reading, an exorcism, and a encouraging pat on the back from Mr. Snider.