Red Downie

Red Downie

  INT. WELLS FARGO CENTER, AFTERNOON.   Flyers forward STEVE DOWNIE has called a players only meeting on the team’s off day. Team captain CLAUDE GIROUX steps forward to question this.   GIROUX Hey, uh, Steve, you know, um, what is, uh, the deal with this, uh, meeting?   Downie rises from a dimly lit corner of the room into the light. It is obvious that he had unscrewed the light bulb in his corner to achieve this effect.   DOWNIE Well CLAUDE, if that is your real name, I’m here to address a big concern in today’s NHL.   …

Image via Bernie Parent's Twitter account

The Orange and Black List: Bernie Parent’s life as an FBI consultant

When men sign up to play goaltender for the Philadelphia Flyers, they take on a certain risk. The risk of losing their mind. Few escape unscathed. Flyers great Bernie Parent helps the FBI round these men up and finds them the help that they need.   BERNIE PARENT pulls up to FBI Headquarters in PHILADELPHIA, PA. He steps out of his shiny, black Porsche and assesses the building. He is met by young agent REBECCA BAKER.   BERNIE Well well well, who is this?   BAKER Special Agent Baker. Thanks for coming in today, Bernie.   BERNIE Oh believe me, …

Norrisberg

Kimmo Timonen takes Breaking Bad too seriously

(Warning: There are some spoilerish things about Breaking Bad below) KIMMO TIMONEN shows up to Flyers practice at the SKATE ZONE. He is sporting a new look with a goatee and pork pie hat. While skating around, he sees ERIK GUSTAFSSON block a shot. Kimmo skates over to Gus and uses his stick to tip him over.   KIMMO I am the one who blocks!   PAUL HOLMGREN calls Kimmo in to meet with him regarding the incident. Flyers broadcaster STEVE COATES joins him.   HOMER Kimmo, what is going on with you?   COATESY Uh, hey Paul, I’ll be …

"Coburn's soft I tells ya!" - Philly dot commenters and most of Twitter (picture via scenicreflections.com)

The Escape Goat

BRAYDON COBURN walks into PAUL HOLMGREN’S office. He meets with Holmgren and Flyers coach PETER LAVIOLETTE.   HOLMER Take a seat, Braydon. COBURN What’s going on, fellas? HOLMER As you know, we recently bought out Danny Briere and Ilya Bryzgalov.   Laviolette picks up and throws a lamp from the table next to him.   LAVY Friggin Bryzgalov! HOLMER As you can see, Peter’s still a little upset with Bryz… LAVY You’re damn right I am! HOLMER Anyway…we wanted to discuss assigning you a new role for the upcoming season. COBURN Oh wow, are you guys going to make me …

Image via inception-in-detail.blogspot.com

Ilception

The FLYERS are in the midst of a team meeting. ILYA BRYZGALOV is loudly snoring in the middle of the room, dead asleep. PETER LAVIOLETTE is visibly annoyed.   LAVY This is our problem right here: guys like Bryz who don’t want to pay any frickin’ attention in team meetings!   Lavy is screaming in Bryzgalov’s face, to no effect.   LAVY Hello, Earth to Ilya! Wake up!   Bryzgalov continues snoring. He’s dead asleep.   LAVY It looks like it’s happened again, boys. You’ve gotta go in and get him. Claude and Scott you’re our crew for this. Take …

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